A Day In The Life Of A Cynic
After fighting a long, drawn-out battle, Delliere managed to get out of bed, and into the mess we know as ‘today’.
He shuffled to the wash; a mug of water next to the windowsill. A child picking up trash on the street {juvenile delinquents, go figure} saw him exhale sleepily. The next second, he heard a loud explosion, followed by a red-in-the-face Dell spitting out the last of his water, while attempting to shut the window.
Another explosion soon followed.
****************************
Now as fresh and alert as a night watchman, Dell started on breakfast. He had gone through a large portion of his grandmother’s recipes the previous night, but with too many of them involving broth, he decided to become a little adventurous.
The result was a compound so foul that even Bee, his dog, slunk away from it.
Poor Dell, all that hard wor….wait, no! All that hard water! What a colossal waste!
“Gah! I can’t eat this stuff. I’m sure Bee’s come home with the morning order.” Sure enough, Bee trotted into the kitchen mere minutes later with a plate of toast and broiled cabbage.
“Why, thank you Bee. I shall be taking that now.”
Bee simply looked up into his master’s face with a look that said, “As you wish. I personally prefer the bowl of foiegras someone ditched outside the pub...”
Dell quickly moved to the window (whose shutters had to be opened as soon as they were closed, to avoid instant suffocation) and dumped the contents of his ‘experiment-gone-wrong’ onto the paved pavement outside.
Years later, fat, curly-haired and antisocial college students would decide that only a meteor was capable of indenting the earth so magnificently.
****************************
With his intestines suitably overworked, Delliere happily changed into his famous fatigues. ‘Famous’ is a word which translates to ‘many criminals roam the city, wary of his coffee-stained and tightly-stretched uniform’.
As soon as he finished changing, or rather covering up for the most part (there isn’t much you can do when you weigh a hundred kilograms and want to dress human); he tied up Bee next to the window sill and took off.
****************************
He reached the police headquarters just as the smell of coffee and sweat started making their mingled presences known.
“Oi! Delliere! Get your overflowing torso in here! We’re distributing duties today.”
Dell entered the only other room in the cramped HQ and smiled at his closest friend.
Amanda was only a trainee, but she had proved to be an excellent detective and an avid reader…… of joke books. They had become fast friends, and had made history at HQ by becoming the ‘Longest surviving team in 200 years’. The now-decomposing team that held first position in that category had comprised of a Jailor and his Horse. They both perished while trying to quell bovine-crazed bull fighting enthusiasts.
“We’ve got a new lead on the Kensey murder. A convenient tip-off from one of our sources (scumbags who two-time for money) led us to find out that the two people allegedly involved in the murder are meeting up at the County Fair.”
“When?”
“In a couple of hours”
“Alright. We have plenty of work to do before then. I’m taking the paperwork. It’s your turn to talk to them.”
‘Them’, being the prisoners in their overcrowded jail.
‘Talk’, referred to their weekly seminars on one or more topics (hygiene, money-laundering etc.), that was followed by a Captives Anonymous meeting.
“I need security for that”, Amanda grunted.
Dell looked around. “Sergeant Detritus! I need you to accompany Lady Amanda today.”
The troll snapped a quick salute, carving his helmet in the process, and attempted to pave a way into the much-abused auditorium for ‘hard-hitting Constable Amanda’.
Happy with his paperwork, Dell settled down into his chair.
Three seconds later, a knock on the door.
“Entah!”
“A very good morning, Captain Dell”
Fumbling with his hat, Dell jumped to his feet.
“I wasn’t aware of the fact that you were inspecting this sector, sir.”
“Oh! But on the contrary, I’m here on a holiday. I have found that taking a day off helps soothe and relax my mind. However, I am new to these things, and thought of coming to the most enjoyable place in town. My feet led me here. I’d like to see you in action today, and take no part in it whatsoever.”
The Commander of Police Forces and founder of Captives Anonymous managed an awkward smiled, which slipped into a grimace.
Dell’s heart sank. “Why of course, sir. We have just received information regarding….”
****************************
Fun was lurking outside the headquarters, listening gleefully to the Captain and Commander in conversation. It was going to be one of those days ……
By Abel Biji Abraham, XII-F